God has his reasons

The last few weeks have not been the greatest. My dad banded me from going to church Wednesday nights because I did not score high enough on my S.A.T. Pretty stupid reason right? So for these past few weeks I was really upset with him, I mean he took away the thing I loved to do most. He didn't take away my phone, or my computer, or grounded me from going out on the weekends with my Walterboro friends. He grounded me from church, and from going to Summerville to see my boyfriend. Last weekend my church and I went to this conference called Shabbach, and this one guy preached about how God has to break us in order for him to use us, and see his miracles. So I came to the conclusion that I was broken. I was at the lowest of my low, that I couldn't hurt anymore.... wrong!!

Today I found out that a lot of people in my journalism class were talking about me behind my back. Saying how I was unfit to be the editor of the paper next year, and all the stuff I done wrong. What really hurt me was that they have been talking about it for months, but never once came to me with how they felt. There was a huge communication gap... I will admit that last year in journalism I was on my 'A' game, and this year I was slacking off because I was still a little hurt that I didn't get editor this year. Before you go off thinking I am just a sore loser... the editor position was promised to me, then snatched away by this other girl just because she was a senior next year. It was like taking candy from a baby, and it sucked for me.

Anyway yeah it hurt me a lot knowing that they all got together and just ganged up on me like that, and I hate to admit it, but it got me so upset I started crying. I am sadly a very sensitive person, and my feelings are hurt very easily. Plus the situation with journalism, along with the situation of me not being able to go to church, and the situation with my parents fighting, and me not getting along with my dad right now... did not help any. So a large portion of today was spent with me shedding tears and feeling sorry for myself.

I went to my dad work still pretty upset because the journalism thing happened at the end of the day. He saw that my eyes were red, and asked me why. I just told him I had a bad day and sat down. His secretaries asked me what was wrong, but I didn't really want to talk about it, I (against my will) just started crying some more. My dad said I could go home so after about an hour I did because I did not want to be home alone for too long. When my mom got home I told her what happened. She told my dad what happened, and when he came home he decided to have a talk with me.

The first thing he did was said that I could go back to church on Wednesday, and told me the real reason he doesn't want me going to that church or Summerville. He said that he is just worried about me driving, and doesn't want anything bad to happen to me. You see Summerville is like an hour away, and on Wednesday I am driving at night on my way home which he hates. Then he told me not to worry about what other people say or think because people like that are always going to be in my life. He said that he loved me no matter what, and I will always be his little sissy-beth. He also told me that I could talk to him anytime.

We have also been upset with each other about my future. I want to go to this tech college and get a PTA degree then take online classes to go into ministries. He wants something completely different from that. He wants me to go to his college and major in his major. I always got so mad at him whenever he would not listen to me talking about what I wanted to do with my life. He told me today that he doesn't want to worry about that right now because it was still years away. He said I will change my mind 50 more times before it is time for me to go away so he just wants to wait until "I give him a heart attack with my decision"... he could have told me that a lot earlier and saved us both a lot of headache... but I am happy we have that out the way.

So today actually turned out for the better. My dad and I got closer, I get to start going back to church on Wednesday, and I realize that I really don't want to be the editor next year. I feel bad about being happy because I feel like a spoiled brat who just got her way... but I really don't know how else to feel.

I am excited because I can use my situation these past few weeks as a testimony to tell how great God is even though you feel at your lowest. Like I said before God has his reasons for everything his plan is flawless.

I hope you guys have a blessed rest of the week, and remember that even though stuff in your life sucks right now, and you just want to give up... remember that it won't last forever. Just cling to God, and he will guide you through it.

Psalm 30:5 says "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."